this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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