Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
