This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
