he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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