I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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