If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
