i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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