Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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