Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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