I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
