____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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