i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
