You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
