My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
