The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I just put wine in my tea
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
