I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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