Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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