New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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