arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
