just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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