Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
