I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
