Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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