Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
