Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
