I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
