So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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