you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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