11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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