Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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