I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
