he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
