so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
