cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
