Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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