If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
