i just had sex bonerless
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
