Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
