I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
