if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
