So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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