i'm signing you up for texting rehab
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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