Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
