i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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