I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
