there's paper in my vomit.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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