I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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