Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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