His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
