I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
