She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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