I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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