My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
