Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I smell like Dick and happiness
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize