i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
