I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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