Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
