i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dear god my vagina.
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