32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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