I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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