I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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