I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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