Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
