My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
