I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
