If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
