Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
