I have demons in me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
