I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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