My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
