i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
