wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
