Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
