I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
