loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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