I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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