I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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