idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
