I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
